The Enlightened Mirror Selfies
Enlightened Mirror Selfies followers base their beliefs on the notion
that taking a picture of themselves in the mirror with the flash on is
the one true path to the presence of their creator. They believe the
bright burst of light is the creator’s star, sent down to bless them
with an extremely flattering image; which will last for all eternity.
EMS members send the images of themselves with the creator to other
members in order to strengthen the group’s faith.
They also seek to gain compliments; which they believe are direct messages of praise to the star. They are required to praise its ability to make unattractive members beautiful, simply by basking in its light. The more compliments they receive, the closer they are to gaining all of the pieces in a McDonald’s monopoly game that are needed to win their very own Ford truck, from which they will ascend to the heavens, using no gas at all.